Listening for What’s Not Said – Coaching as a Trust-Building Skill

In the financial advice world, we’re trained to focus on what clients tell us – their goals, their financial data, their questions. But some of the most important clues in a client relationship are in what is not being said outright. Clients might not always voice their deeper fears or true feelings about a financial decision. They might hint at concerns or display subtle emotions that, if unnoticed, could undermine your advice later.

This is where a key coaching skill comes in: deep listening which is, essentially, listening for the unspoken. It’s an art that involves tuning into tone, body language, and the gaps or hesitations in a client’s story. For financial advisors, cultivating this level of listening can significantly build trust and lead to better outcomes and a client who trusts you will confide in you, stay loyal, and be more likely to follow through on your advice (even when it’s challenging). Let’s talk about how you can listen like a coach and strengthen the bond with your clients.

Hearing the Unspoken Concerns

Have you ever had a review meeting where a client nods along, saying they’re fine with the plan, but later you find out they never implemented your recommendations? Something was missed in translation. It’s possible the client had reservations they didn’t express, or they left the meeting uncertain but didn’t want to question you. Listening for what’s not said means paying attention to those moments of pause or the uneasy “umm, okay…” that might escape a client’s lips. These are signals to gently probe further.

For instance, if you notice a client repeatedly glances away or fidgets when discussing a particular topic – say, their debt – it might indicate discomfort or shame that they haven’t verbalised. A traditional advisor might press on with the numbers, but a coach-minded advisor might pause and say, “I get the feeling that this topic is a bit uncomfortable. Would you like to talk more about what’s worrying you?” This kind of empathetic prompt can open the door for the client to share what they were holding back. They might reveal, “Honestly, I’m embarrassed about how much credit card debt I’ve accumulated, and I’m scared to face it.” Now, an important truth is on the table and the client no longer feels alone with that fear.

Another example: a client could be agreeing to your investment plan but speaking in a subdued tone or using words that lack enthusiasm. Instead of just noting their verbal agreement, you might respond, “I hear you saying you’re on board, but you seem a little hesitant. What are your thoughts or feelings about this approach?” You give permission for the client to voice doubts. Perhaps they’ll say, “Well, I know logically it makes sense, but I’m still nervous about putting so much into equities.” That’s crucial information. Now you can address their specific fear (maybe by adjusting the plan slightly or by educating and reassuring them) rather than discovering down the road that they pulled out of the investment at the first sign of volatility.

Listening deeply often means embracing silence as well. In normal conversation, we’re quick to fill pauses. But in a client meeting, if you sense there’s more beneath a brief answer, try staying quiet a moment longer, with a caring expression, to see if the client continues. These pregnant pauses can be golden; clients often divulge the real issue in the space after the initial answer. For example, you ask, “How do you feel about your progress so far?” The client says, “Good, I think it’s going okay…” and then falls silent. If you wait a few seconds, they might continue, “…although sometimes I wonder if I’m ever really going to be able to retire.” That second part is the insight you were looking for – a doubt that wasn’t going to be shared until you gave it room to surface. Now you can explore that and fortify their plan (and confidence) accordingly.

Active Listening Techniques for Advisors

Listening like a coach is an active process. Here are some practical techniques to help you catch the unspoken messages and show the client you truly hear them:

• Reflect and Paraphrase: Coaches often repeat back or paraphrase what they heard, including the emotion behind it. As an advisor, you might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling uncertain about this investment because it’s new territory for you. Did I get that right?” This gives the client a chance to confirm or clarify their feelings. When they hear you reflect their own words, it signals that you are paying close attention and valuing their perspective. It also encourages them to elaborate.
• Use Empathic Acknowledgment: Sometimes clients drop clues about their feelings with phrases like “I’m not sure if this is stupid but…” or “I guess I just feel…”. Instead of glossing over those, acknowledge them. “Please know there are no stupid questions, and whatever’s on your mind is important.” By explicitly acknowledging their feelings (in this case, anxiety about being judged), you create a safe space. An advisor who uses empathy in responses will often find clients open up with the real issues.
• Notice Body Language and Tone: A client’s non-verbal cues can speak volumes. If a client’s tone becomes more animated or excited when discussing a certain goal, that’s a sign to lean into that topic – it’s clearly meaningful to them. If they cross their arms and look away when discussing their budget, it might indicate defensiveness or discomfort. Gently addressing it can help: “I can see this is a bit frustrating for you. Let’s take a step back – what part of this budget discussion is most concerning right now?” This way you’re responding to their emotional cue, not just the financial content. The client might admit, “I hate talking about budgets because it makes me feel guilty about my spending.” That feeling is important to address, otherwise all the budgeting advice in the world won’t stick.
• Ask “Is there anything else?”: Coaches love this question because it often encourages the person to reveal something they were holding back. Toward the end of a meeting, try asking, “Is there anything else on your mind or any question you haven’t asked yet?” You might be surprised – the client hesitates and then says, “Well… actually, yes. There’s something I’ve been meaning to mention…” It could be about a family issue affecting finances, a doubt about your fees, or a personal goal they were shy to mention. Catching that “anything else” concern can be the key to fully understanding your client.

Turning Listening into Lasting Trust

Trust isn’t built in one meeting, it’s built over a series of positive interactions. By consistently listening for what’s not said, you accumulate goodwill and credibility in your client’s eyes. Over time, clients will start volunteering more information without you even asking, because they’ve learned that with you, it’s okay to discuss the tough stuff. For example, they might proactively confess, “I have to admit, I didn’t stick to the plan we discussed last time.” Instead of hiding it (as many clients do out of fear of disappointing their advisor), they trust you enough to be open. This honesty allows you to problem-solve together and keeps the plan on track.

In South Africa, where many clients have traditionally seen advisors as authority figures rather than collaborative partners, adopting a coaching-style listening approach can set you apart. Clients may not expect their financial advisor to be someone who inquires about their feelings or family stresses. When you do, you pleasantly surprise them. You shift from being “my financial guy” to “a person on my side who really cares.”

Demonstrating that you are comfortable addressing sensitive issues can give them permission to open up. It’s often said that advisors end up being part “counsellor” – listening deeply is how you fulfill that role responsibly, without going beyond your expertise. You don’t need to solve all the personal issues you hear, but by hearing them, you can adjust your advice to fit the client’s reality or recommend professional help when needed.

Listening: A Skill to Practice

The beauty of deep listening is that it’s a skill you can practice in every single meeting. It doesn’t require new software or lengthy courses (though there are great workshops on listening and communication if you’re keen). It just requires slowing down and being fully present with your client. Try to suspend the constant problem-solving for a moment and truly take in what the client is conveying both in words and between the lines. It might feel unnatural at first if you’re used to driving meetings with an agenda. But with time, you’ll find a comfortable balance where your meetings are both structured and spacious enough for real conversation.

One practical tip: after asking an important question, mentally count a few seconds longer than normal before jumping back in. Give extra time for the client to think and respond. Also, get comfortable saying, “Tell me more about that,” which invites the client to continue their train of thought. These small habits create a conversational pace where insights can emerge.

In your next client interaction, consciously apply one deep listening technique. Maybe paraphrase what the client tells you and check if you got it right, or pay attention to their non-verbal cues and gently address them. Notice how the client reacts. Do they open up more? Do you learn something you didn’t know before? Over time, your client relationships will grow stronger and more trusting as a result.